We had our second grief meeting yesterday. They had changed the meeting after getting alot of feedback. There was no prayer at the beginning and there was alot more diversity in cultures and ages. We all sat in a circle this time and told our stories. For the first time I told our story out loud instead of handing everyone a sheet of paper with it all written down.
We talked about family and how alot of people didn't understand. I told them about my family and that I had also spoken to my Mother on the eve of Jack's birthday, that she said we had been grieving for to long, we needed to get over it and that we needed a reality check. When I gave her a piece of my mind my Aunt jumped in and once again it was all about how poorly my Mom was being treated. She always demands a pity party for herself , my family may still partake in it but I am out. You should love your children unconditionally and sadly she doesn't. She only loves you if go along with her way of thinking and that everything should be all about her. All my life I have been catering to my moms poor me attitude and I just cant do it anymore. That was the last straw for me and my Mother is no more to me. I told them how she regarded Jack as a thing and not as a human being who had a life. I was surprised to find out that many of them had and are dealing with the same thing. They as well had cut the people once closest to them out of their lives.
We shared, we cried, we vented and listened. A circle of death was formed that night from Cancer to accidental overdose to heart defects to syndromes to SIDS but as well a circle of life was formed. Our lives.
Thanks to everyone who had wished Jack a Happy Birthday and who were thinking of him.
I love you my piglet, Jack and Mummy forever
7 hours ago
6 comments:
Nothing better than getting off your chest Sweet Pea ...it's sad but it's true. Sooo many people do not understand....and will never take off the blinders long enough to ever understand...so BE it!!! I'm sooo sorry that it is your mother....but you now know that you are not alone. You have the cHoice to have the people around you that support YOU as a person...'cause feelings are REAL....we are all a product of our own experiences. As far as I'm concerned...we are all on the same turnip truck...just alot of people aren't intouch with themselves. Their problem...not yours and not mine....I am glad that this meeting was better. Loving you as always....Barb xoxo
Michelle, so glad that this meeting went better then the last and you didn't give up. Hugs to you for giving it another try. There is no time limit on grief. It is different for everyone. Thankfully you have people around you who understand your pain and can support you. Keeping you Codie and Baby Jack in my heart as always. xo
I recently got a call from an aunt who called asking me if I were doing well. I said I would be well had my baby not died. She retorted saying something which hasn't happened with anyone, hasn't happened with me. Meaning..it's perfectly natural for my little baby to die.
I can't believe how insensitive people are - I really wanted to give a hear a piece of my mind but instead I changed the topic because I don't see any point trying to make these moronic people understand.
Am glad your grief meeting went well. Wish you fall pregnant soon.
Glad to hear your group went well. I enjoy going to mine also. It is nice to be with people that truly understand.
Sorry to hear your mom is so unsupportive and unsympathetic of your needs. I just don't get why some people, especially family has to be that way. The worst part is that they will never change.
Thinking of you and Jack...
Michelle,
I am happy to her that your second meeting was a better experieince. I am so sorry that your family said the words that they did regarding Jack. He is such a specal boy and it is so sad that they don't know that. We alsways want to see the best in our familky but I think that you did the right thing by cutting them out. I hope that within this group of greiving parents you can find a supportive group of friends.
You are an amazing person and Jack is so lucky to have you as a mommy.
Marisa
So sorry to hear about your mother and her idea of grief. She has no idea and probably never will. I understand all to well. It has been many years... 33 and 29 years. Only now can I speak of them without as many tears flowing down my face. Please remember that you are a better person with a warm and kind heart.
I came across you by chance. There are so many ways to talk about grief and the loss of a child now that there never was before. Thank you for sharing yours.
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