How could anyone possibly change someones life in five months? It doesn't seem at all possible.The majority of the world feels sad for baby loss parents but yet don't comprehend not just what we lost but Who we lost.Whether our children got show who they were briefly in this life or not; this wasn't just another cute, cuddly beautiful smelling baby that died and left us wanting more. No this was a human being with a wealth of personality and character.
At Jack's wake a friend of Codie's family had shown up to give condolences. While trying to offer advice in her condolences she said " Well at least he wasn't older. Thank God for that." I am always astounded by the multitude of parents who have forgotten all the character traits their young little ones displayed in the beginning of their life and the traits and preferences we had sensed when they were growing in our womb that made them Who they are today. While some mourn for me they have forgotten to mourn for Jack. That is why so many of us try so hard to scream and shout out their names on the Internet, to tell their stories and to reach out to others. So that others will learn not just about what we are going through but Who it is that we lost. Who this world has lost.
In those five months Jack had a lifetime. With his forever sprawling bed head, his contagious smile and goofy quirks he changed our world. Like any human being he had likes and dislikes. He vocalized in his way a display of different emotions and feelings. He was an eccentric picky as hell comic. He would only sleep with certain blankets, he had one we called "baby baby" that he preferred to sleep with on his head. So much so that he after his surgery he refused to sleep and had a temper tantrum until I brought all of his things into the hospital. He did not like to poop or pee in the same diaper. He would wait for me to change his wet diaper before he let out the shit storm. He loved the feel of fur against his cheek and he was obsessed with toys. More , more and more toys, whenever something new was placed by his side his frustrations were instantly forgotten. He rarely cried but he growled something fierce. Whenever he was held by someone else he always had his eyes on me. He hated to be burped. I was lousy at it and after 10 or more unsuccessful minutes I would give up and hand him over to Daddy to try. I always saw first that look of relief on his face when I stopped. " Ah finally". Then Daddy would start and that look of relief changed to an adorable look of shock and that look would say , "Again !What the F*** is wrong with you people! Why do you keep thwacking and massaging my back!"
In those five months we learned so much about Jack. He was a fighter and a lover of life and oh so so much more. I join the voice of so many other parents who miscarried, who's little ones were stillborn or who like me lost them as an infant as I say that he is not just another dead baby. He was a human being and being is just what he did.
Like Isabella,Zeke,Vitu,Cora, Drew, Braedon,Camille,Carley,Truman, Margot,George, Max,Leia Grace, Tim,Gavin,Liam, Griffin, Megan, Chai,Elizabeth,Ellie, Calder,Adam, Wyatt,Parker, Calvin,Holden, Jazzy, Ethan, Jerhid, Jennifer and so many others; he had a name, he was his name.
Who is he? Jack Damian Wilbee always remembered, loved and honoured.
Jack and Mummy forever
ps if you have read this post please stop by and read Kates tribute its kind of linked to mine and really shows what we can learn about our children and who they were even before they were born. Thank you Kate for shareing Drew.http://spendtimeinmyshoes.blogspot.com/
8 comments:
What a wonderful tribute to Jack!
I've been trying to write something about Drew all day today and am struggling, but after reading your tribute, I'm going to give it another try.
I know you feel lucky to have had Jack in your life, but know how lucky he was to have you as his mommy.
It's amazing to know little Jack had all these personal traits. I never got a chance to spend much time with any baby, never had that luck. But I completely agree that people with children don't remember how it was when their child was a baby. And they pass at us their loose and insensitive comments. This tribute to Jack is beautiful..
I couldn't help but cry as I read your post. Firstly that everytine you mention Isabella'a name I can imagine her smiling down at you mentioning her. It also kills me that all of those names that you mentioned are children that left us to soon. Isabella changed my world the day that I became pregnant with her. Time would not have changed anything. Having to lose a child is unatural and is the hardest thing that anyone will ever have to do.
Thanks for providing the link, I will definately check out the blog about baby Drew.
Sounds like Jack was loved very much. What a cutie.
Michelle...... but probably better unsaid....I have to tell you that I was a little taken back by your comment "I am always astounded by the multitude of parents who have forgotten all the character traits their young little ones displayed in the beginning of their life and the traits and preferences we had sensed when they were growing in our womb that made them who they are today".........
I do not know any REAL parents that ever forget their children as babies!! Those very influencial days, months years that we tend to our little individuals....getting to know them.....teaching them ... growing with them....protecting them & loving them witheverything we have. I probably think back to those wonderful years with joy at least once a week...and smile to myself.
I hear your anger & frustration Michelle.....very normal for anyone that has experienced loss of any kind....let alone loss of your own child!! It is definitely and proven to be the worst loss of all.
As far as that comment that woman said to you ....showing her respect by just being there....was definitely not well thought out before it came flying out of her mouth!! I too remember a comment from a very good friend after Rob 'blew his head off'; it went like this..."It took alot of guts for Robbie to do that" set me on my ass...for a bit...but then understanding that other people do not understand what it feels like...I dismissed it. That comment comes back every once in a while to haunt me ...and again I just dismiss it.
Please understand Michelle....life is not fair...and never will be. Life is what you make of it....pls do not be angry at other people's looks or comments.....They Don't Know What to Say!!
Again I thank you for giving myself and others the opportunity to know lil Jack. He was an amazing little human being...I smile everytime I see his sweet face & think of is wonderful mischevious giggles. I love you girl....not a tear spared following you..Codie & yes lil Jack....through that undescribable 3 months of fighting and suffering Jack had to go through!! Not Fair...not Fair at all!! R.I.P lil Jack.....he will be with you always....not in the way that you would like it....but he is there with you all the way. This is something I believe & there is nothing in this world that anyone can say or do to convince me of anything else. That is the only belief that has kept my feet going one foot infront of the other. Sincerely .....Barb xo
I think Barb that you have missed the point of this post. Of course everyone remembers their children, I am not saying that you didnt rememeber your son when he was a baby but alot of people seem to forget that losing a baby wether misscarried, stillborn or as an infant is just as big of a loss as any other. Alot of people feel that they havent been with us long enough for us to have formed an appreciation of who they were, they think all babies are the same and that we can simply have another. That is something mothers and fathers deal with alot after losing a child so early in life. I was just pointing out in this post Who Jack was as a person, I had no anger when writing this post just a better understanding of who our lost littles ones were and trying to show that understanding to everyone. This was not to be taken as insult against you it was only a tribute to show Jack's personality and to show that he had thougts, feelings and emotions as well. In past history the death of a baby and miscarriages were not acknowledged by many and it is has only been in the past century that many have come to understand that they were people too.
Michelle - I really love this post and hearing more about Jack's personality. The part about him hating to be burped made me laugh out loud! What a little character.
Thank you for remembering so many babes who left too soon and for reminding the world that our children were little people with personalities who made a big impact on this world.
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