She had never had a good childhood. She grew up lacking the confidence to know who she was and it was a question she still longed to have answered.
When she was a teenager she read a book by Stephen King called the Talisman. It was about a little boy named Jack who went on a journey through a parallel reality of fantasy lands, he fought monsters, averted dangerous men and succeeded in finding a special talisman that would save his mother from Cancer. Love conquered all, he saved his mother and they lived happily ever after. After reading it she knew she would name her first born Jack.
At 20 yrs old she wrote a message from Jack, he talked to her throughout her life before he was even born. It said,
I am in the minds eye of a whole life that is to come, destiny befalls us all in the same way. The way we see it. Love Jack.
She never understood it and still doesn't. It still remains yellowed with age now posted to her fridge.
She never found the answer she was looking for as she made her made way through life. Who am I? It was not found in University, it was not found through work, it was not found when she married.
At 37 years old she was pregnant, she knew right off that Jack was finally coming. After a tumultuous 54 hr delivery Jack was born. Her throat was parched, she was dizzy and almost faint from lack of sleep, loss of blood and from the morphine they had given her , the room was buzzing with Nurses and Doctors from her complex delivery. She noticed nothing but Jack , warm and snugly in her arms.
She looked down at him and her question had finally been answered, the emptiness in her heart that she had so longed to fill was gone. She was at long last complete. She was a Mother. A few days later she found out that Jack was more than she had ever dreamed of. He had Down Syndrome, she was going to get to be a very special mother, it was such a privilege. All her dreams had come true. He was her everything. She would finally get her happily ever after. Jack had saved her. Who am I? I am Jack's Mummy forever.
Five months later Jack died. He had a heart condition common in Down Syndrome children, his corrective surgery did not go well. Jack left her.
At 38 yrs old the emptiness has returned and spread.She tries to hard to fight it and tries to pretend its not there but it has almost swallowed her whole, consuming not only her heart but now her mind body and soul. To this day she still whispers,
Jack save me...
(*Jack's name was chosen 22 years before he was concieved. I chose his name from a fairytale about a little boy named Jack who went on a long journey to find a talisman and save his dying Mother.In the story he was often called "Travelling Jack". I waited a very long time for Jack and whipsered often "Jack save me". Finally the wait was over and when he was born he was more than I could have ever dreamed. 5 months later he became Travelling Jack, he left me. Again I wait hoping for his return and whispering still. )
6 hours ago