Our fertility appointment was moved up and the news almost shocked me off my seat. The words the Doctor said resonate in my mind and to me is comparative as if a scientist had sat us down and said a comet was hitting the earth . "It's not you," he said. Over the years we have been together we always thought the problem was me. I had never been regular in my cycles until after Jack was born. There were times when I didn't even get my monthly visitor so to hear those words....
Apparently the problem resides with my husband. As the doctor spoke all I heard were words bolded in my mind like slow motility and broken tails and quality. I am functioning perfectly except for my age and now our only option would be an IUI and he cant guarantee that would be successful either. He said he would put me on a superovulater medication that would shoot out 2 to 3 eggs and that would help increase the chances of one the eggs reaching our little non swimmers when he places them at a more strategic vantage point.
The problem- We cant afford it. I always thought if the doc just gave me clomid I would ovulate better and that would be that. I was hoping so much we wouldn't have to get this point. Bad timing as always plays a part, Codie and I have to move( probably to the other side of this huge city where there is more to offer) as this old house has way to many problems and is costing us a fortune to heat. Although it is beautiful the wind blows right through the windows & doors and there are drafts from holes in the structure in the closets, the laundry room, and everywhere that we look now that lead right to the outside. On top of that my husbands work is slow, we were expecting that after January and paying the bills isn't a problem but it doesn't leave us much left.
The secretary gave us the cost of having just one IUI and with the meds and the ultra sounds it's about 1200. I went red as she asked us when we like to start and schedule all of it. They wanted to schedule it for February with my age they said there is no time to wait. Embarrassed I said "well we have to check our schedules and phone you back." . We are a middle income family, we do our best and pay our bills but that's not what they expect when you walk in there.
My husband says "wait a few months ,we'll get there"; but I have heard those words before and watched those months turn into years. I feel like time is on a runaway train and all my hopes and dreams speeding further and further away until they fade out of sight for good.
Jack you weren't just our miracle, you were our one in a million miracle. I am so proud of you baby. Jack and Mummy forever.
3 weeks ago