Friday, 13 January 2012

Bad News

Our fertility appointment was moved up and the news almost shocked me off my seat. The words the Doctor said resonate in my mind and to me is comparative as if a scientist had sat us down and said a comet was hitting the earth . "It's not you," he said. Over the years we have been together we always thought the problem was me. I had never been regular in my cycles until after Jack was born. There were times when I didn't even get my monthly visitor so to hear those words....

Apparently the problem resides with my husband. As the doctor spoke all I heard were words bolded in my mind  like slow motility and broken tails and quality. I am functioning perfectly  except for my age and now our only option would be an IUI and he cant guarantee that would be successful either. He said he would put me on a superovulater medication that would shoot out 2 to 3 eggs and that would help increase the chances of one the eggs reaching our little non swimmers when he places them at a more strategic vantage point.

The problem- We cant afford it. I always thought if the doc just gave me clomid I would ovulate better and that would be that. I was hoping so much we wouldn't have to get this point. Bad timing as always plays a part, Codie and I have to move( probably to the other side of this huge city where there is more to offer) as this old house has way to many problems and is costing us a fortune to heat. Although it is beautiful the wind blows right through the windows & doors and there are drafts from holes in the structure in the closets, the laundry room, and everywhere that we look now that lead right to the outside. On top of that my husbands work is slow, we were expecting that after January and paying the bills isn't a problem but it doesn't leave us much left.

The secretary gave us the cost of having just one IUI and with the meds and the ultra sounds it's about 1200. I went red as she asked us when we like to start and schedule all of it. They wanted to schedule it for February  with my age they said there is no time to wait. Embarrassed I said "well we have to check our schedules and phone you back." . We are a middle income family, we do our best  and pay our bills but that's not what they expect when you walk in there.

My husband says "wait a few months ,we'll get there"; but I have heard those words before and watched those months turn into years. I feel like time is on a runaway train and all my hopes and dreams speeding further and further away until they fade out of sight for good.

Jack you weren't just our miracle, you were our one in a million miracle. I am so proud of you baby. Jack and Mummy forever.

12 comments:

Jenny said...

Oh my, I am so sorry.
My sister in law had to IVF, Im not sure if thats different but I know they had to pull a bank loan to get it done. Its just so unfair. You see these roadblocks and I can only imagine the suffereing. I'm so sorry Michelle :(

little vitu's mom said...

You are not alone. I was told last time my hubby has some motility, count issues, yet we got pregnant after 8 months trying. This time, fertility expert didn't test him at all. He just said - if he could get me pregnant once, so can he again. And he was right. Though not naturally, we could, through
IUI.

I understand the financial worries, I wrote about all that in my post other day. IUI cost was similar for us here, and my maternity insurance didn't cover it.

marisa said...

Michelle,

I am so sorry that another stumbling block has come your way. My friend was told the same thing and had done several rounds of treatments. She just recently got pregnant on her own. I beleive that it will happen for you because you were meant to be a mother. Please do not give up hope.

Marisa

Becky said...

I have done 3 IUI's in the past and agree that it is spendy with all the u/s. My dr. could get our ins. to cover some of the u/s when we just did Clomid but could not get around the IUI itself. I wish trying to have a baby wasn't so expensive. It really isn't fair how some people can get pregnant so easily the natural way, while others have to spend a fortune just to get pregnant.
Hopefully you guys can figure something out.

michelle said...

Thanks for the encouraging words guys.I hope we will get it done as soon as we can; I cant wait another five years. In the mean time I am still hoping, hoping ,hoping there is still another lil swimmer just like Jack -the lil engine (with a broken tail) that could. xo

Tash said...

I was hoping that you would get good news.. I'm so sorry, this is just so unfair after all that you've been through.

Keep that hope Michelle, I know it's easier said than done but don't give up. I'm hoping with all my heart for you.

xx

Paula said...

Oh Michelle,

My heart just broke reading your post. I wanted to share your good news, I so hoped that it would just take a little medication like the Clomid.

Whatever happens, know that so many are thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Heres hoping for some strong swimmers heading your way.

Sending you lots of love and thinking of your Jack and you. He was one in a million your little Mr.

Nicole said...

:( sorry hun. I hope all works out for you.

Aoife said...

As if you haven't had enough to deal with already... I'm sorry you have this on your plate now as well.

The only thing I can suggest is that whilst you are saving for the IUI, read as much as you can about how diet etc can affect sperm production. I know alcohol is a big no no around ovulation, and caffeine can speed up slow swimmers fractionally. Also, you can get supplements that are specifically designed for men who are trying to get their partners pregnant - lots of selenium and other good ingredients for sperm building. I know it's probably not going to make a huge difference, but it might give you back a sense of control and a feeling that you can do things to influence the outcome.

Good luck.

Shell said...

Oh Michelle...such good and bad news from the fertility doctor. And all the costs suck. Our health didn't cover any treatments either. Two failed IUI's, an unexpected ER trip after an IUI procedure, one IVF and then losing our Leia. I totally understand where you are. Hoping you have success trying on your own. Sending good vibes your way hon.

Jackie said...

Michelle, I just finished reading your blog, so sorry to hear the bad news. I believe that if Jack found you then there will be another will swimmer that will find you as well. I know this is an awful set back for you both. Keep the faith and stay strong with each other. Keeping you Codie and baby Jack in my heart as always. xo

aeroangie said...

We are in the same boat. It seems really unfair that there is no special money tree that we can shake to help us pay for this treatment. I started to go for Acupuncture treatment with a Chinese fertility doctor. Much cheaper at 60.00 a week. We are hoping for our BFP soon as she has a great success rate. Maybe you and your husband can look into this? Also there are a lot of great sites that have foods you can eat and there are even spells that I have heard work. We are willing to try anything at this point - as I am sure you are too. Please stop by my blog www.letterstoleia.tumblr.com . I have been following your blog for so long I feel like I should come out of hiding and introduce myself. (hugs)