Last year very early in my loss of Jack I went strolling on the Internet looking for answers of how to get through this unbearable grief. That's when I came across the first blog I had ever seen, before that I didn't even know blogs existed. I had no idea that millions of people had blogs to share their life, grief, info and ideals. I felt such a commonality with this BLM and was so desperate to share my grief that I told my whole story in her comment box. It felt good to get it all out and it felt even better when she responded. I soon discovered there was a whole world out there of BLMS and even F's that I could relate too. I decided then to start my own blog to share my pain, my journey, to get so many others to see Jack's smiling face and feel some solace that at least in the bloggy world of loss that he was being acknowledged.
That first BlM, the one in which I vomited all my pain and what happened with my son in her comment box actually became one of my first followers and I will forever be thankful for the world she has shown me as it has since become my saving grace. I have since found a wealth of amazing people that offer me support and even when they don't comment that's ok too just knowing they have stopped by and seen Jack makes all the difference. It is not only therapeutic sometimes to post my own journey whether good or bad but to read so many other blogs, relate to there feelings, share their loss and learn how they are walking on this path.
I had a BLM email me that she was getting discouraged about her blog and with some sensitive issues that may come with blogging and loss. I am sure some of us have been through this so I wanted to post a little about that for her.
On my bloggy journey I have I'll admit sometimes felt rejected especially when I was just starting out. When you are new to blogging especially in the loss world you sometimes assume the etiquette of blogging is much the same as conversing. You discover some blogs that run in the same circles as you, you share some BLM followers, or just feel you really relate to what they are saying so you comment on their blogs posts hoping to make a new friend in which you can both share your journeys -only to be ignored. Not only do they not reciprocate but they haven't even glanced at your blog in all the time you have been reading and commenting on theirs. You may not give a dam and move on to others or you may take it heart depending on what kind of person you are.
I cant say why this happens, maybe they are to busy, maybe they get soo many comments they cant respond to everyone, they have enough friends they share their grief with, maybe they don't like your profile, maybe they have stopped by your blog at one point and just feel your not the right fit, yes blogging can also be a little highschoolish. I once had a BLM email me that she would no longer be following or reading my blog when she found out I was atheist and prefer I would do the same.
So even in the bloggy loss world you may sometimes be disappointed , it may seem like some blogs take off fast and find lots of peoples to share their stories and ups and downs with right away and yours does not but yes it does happen to other people too and you are not alone in this experience. If your blog doesn't take off fast just know that eventually you will find some wonderful and amazing people out there, some you have everything in common with, some you don't but give you a fresh outlook on your grief, some that you live vicariously through that may be going through some good changes that you have yet to reach. It may be alot of blms you will eventually find to share with or just a special few but stick it out because some of the people you will find are well worth the wait.
I have found that my bloggy experience is evolving, lately I haven't even felt up to even posting very much. I have had some major letdowns lately and am going through this kind of quiet clam up stage in my grief, instead of finding comfort in releasing my emotions on a post I am just comforted reading and commenting on other blogs. This sometimes helps me feel not so alone. I hope my inspiration will come back but for now I know my blog will be there to say a few words or pour it all out when I need to. Ive have learned so much about other very special children and parents and I have been so thankful to get to know them. I have also learned alot about grief in general. Thanks to ALL BLMS out there, your children, your stories of loss and your journies are very very important and your words are always going to find someone that needs them.
ps I love you baby , my everything Jack and Mummy forever.
1 day ago