It's been hard for me to write lately and even harder to find the right words to comment on other blogs. The emotion I feel hasn't been that easy to articulate into words. Maybe I am all worded out or maybe it's the constant background headache that has nested itself in the back of my brain, probably due to the pregnancy.
Codie and I find ourselves confused lately with the past, present and future. The timeline of this pregnancy is bang on the same as with Jack. Even the due date will be around the same time, within the same month.
"We have to get the drywall done, and set up Jack's nursery." A dawning look of comprehension of what he said causes a whimpered "OH" to escape his mouth. It isn't the first time. So far for us it's been Jack this and Jack that. Maybe when we finally get the ultrasound that will change.
For now my hand goes to womb and my heart whispers guiltily. " Jack is that you?" I hope it's you."
Obsessed by you baby; you consume me, I love you. Jack and Mummy forever
2 days ago
12 comments:
Liam and baby girl's dates are about a month apart so I get that its hard to not think about them since they're so close with Jack and new baby also.
Oh Michelle~ The slip of "Jack", this baby will have his/her own identity soon enough. I hope your headache gets better. Thinking of you.
I understand as well. It is hard for me to express what I am feeling at times, so rather than post anything I just don't. My timelines are totally different with this pregnancy but I also just realized yesterday that I am due a week after we conceived our Leia in May 2010 and that upset me totally. I just have so many thoughts swirling around in my head most of the time. Hang in there. Hugs to you.
I'm sure this pregnancy is very emotional for you and your husband, and having it be on the same timeline...that would be tough.
Whenever I think about a future pregnancy, all I can think of is Molly. I picture having her back, and then of course I feel guilty. So I understand.
Love to you, Michelle, and your Jack, too. xo
I know right now is so hard for you. You read my struggles of being pregnant after Gavin. So many thoughts and emotions are going through your head it's hard to put them on paper(or computer). Like I told you before I believe Jack has came back to you. He didn't want you to be sad or alone any more. I am always thinking of you. xoxo Email me anytime.
I/We had such confusion the first 20 weeks or so of this pregnancy, too - lots of slip-ups and calling this baby by Elizabeth's nicknames. Something sorted itself out in the last couple of weeks, though, and now she has her own totally separate identity. Don't worry - I'm sure that will happen for you too. Jack is certainly watching over his little brother or sister - so he must feel close by.
oh i understand. Amanda was born 2 weeks after Megans birthday. I thought it woudl be horrible but it really hasnt been bad and its been really nice in using Megans clothes. Its all season appropriate since they were in the same months lol.
hugs
I can only imagine the angst of pregnancy after loss (and thus, we are not ttc), but I love the idea that Jack is there, coming back to you. Another babyloss mama I know who is several years out from her loss said that she doesn't know if our lost babies come back to us in our subsequent children (if there are any). Keep me posted?
I also think it's normal for parents to switch around our children's names - even the ones alive. I can't tell you how many times I've been called one of my siblings names. It's what parents do:)
Sending love, mama.
I can only imagine how emotional it must be for you and Codie.
I was hoping that I would be pregnant again now, with a similar timeline to Liam. As irrational as this is going to sound I just want him back. I want his pregnancy back and I want Liam back. I cried when you said that you touch your belly and wonder if it's Jack. I think I will wonder the same if I get pregnant again.
Thinking of you and Jack always. x
I wish I had the words to say, but I don't. I can only imagine. Back in 2009 I thought I was pregnant in October. Had sickness, etc even the positive pregnancy test. But I wasn't pregnant. It was a false pregnancy, no miscarriage. We lost our baby girl in October of 2010. That right there alarmed us a bit. To be honest I've told Matthew I never want to get pregnant again within certain months that mark when I conceived, due date, birth date, etc. (Kinda hard to avoid, ha.) Every time I come across a BLM who is pregnant again I wonder if that is the baby they loss and I've thought of the same about you.
When you do you find out the sex? I'm thinking a girl (:
I thought I'd never be able to love another child like I love Seamus, but slowly, as I get through this pregnancy, I'm learning this little one's quirks and habits - and I'm totally in love again. He's so different to Seamus, but I love him so, so much too.
Oh my heart aches for you with that final line. Like many of the comments above, I did get a bit confused. I sometimes referred to my subsequent baby as babies as i'd only ever been pregnant with twins before. And it's so hard not to hope, that it's them coming back somehow.
Glad that your little one's heartbeat sounds good and strong xo
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