Hello From Me Land

 I am an extremely shy person, Codie and my sis are my best friends and it can take Codie and I awhile to warm up to anyone in our lives, most of the time if someone new comes along they have to persist and insert themselves forcefully until we let them in and eventually feel comfortable with them. I also come off sounding very snotty and valley girl like when I talk in real life even though it is not my intention( I am not really like that, I just sound like that) and I have a very hard time carrying on a conversation and the pauses of silence are often misconstrued and make others feels uncomfortable. Thank you Barb and nurse Jan for never giving up.

 This isn't something new, I have always had a hard time letting others in. Before Codie I was quite content living on my own and being alone. I had a nick name "the ice queen" even Codie called me that lol but it didn't stop him from asking me out at least twice daily every day for a month before I said yes. I learned then that my impression of him was also wrong. I thought he was too young( he is alot younger), immature, cocky and mouthy when I first met him. He was actually all of those things LOL but I learned on our date that he was so much more than just the persona he gave off. With some people that sooo much more just shines through but  with others it may take time too see it. There persona may get in the way but once that layer is peeled back that sooo much more underneath can be really worth experiencing. I do find sadly amongst people that so many do judge a book by it's cover. I guess with this post I just wanted to poke my head out of the corner a little bit and give a hello from me land.

The ice queen

Oh there is me with some encouragement from Codie

These were taken with me at 13 weeks along, I am now 16 weeks but not much bigger yet. As you can see my age gave me a big wallop since you left me my everything. In every beat my heart whispers for you my baby, my beauty. Jack and Mummy forever.

Small Reliefs

My first OB appointment was on Wed and it was a rough morning leading up to it. I was all nerves and almost in tears over the worry of having to relay Jack's story and fight for the tests I needed to have done for this new baby. For the first time it was all for not.

My new doc seems very good. I didn't have to say anything or insist on anything. She is very pleasant and seems to really know what she is doing. She already knew all about my medical history and Jacks and she had a plan of action before I even talked to her about it. This included all the tests I need. So I will  have all the non evasive tests for Down Syndrome, I also have a regular ultra sound set up for May 4th and sometime within the next two months I will travel to the BC Children's Hospital to have an echocardiography. She even has a plan for my delivery to make sure I will hopefully avoid the hemorrhaging complications I had last time and to make sure there is no way I wont be in major labour for 54hrs. She thinks alot of that was caused because they tried to induce and force the labour. She is even already ordering all the blood to have on hand for my transfusions. She seems very prepared and she is also going to see me once a month for check ups.

I also got to listen to the babies heartbeat which she said sounds good and strong. There is no greater relief than that.

We are also waiting for another new addition to our family. A little girl kitten that wont be ready to come home with us until the end of May. Squirt has been lonely since her old companion ( nasty, nasty people hating cat) passed away a month ago. This cat always provided company for Squirt but other than that over  all those years never had anything to do with us. So we aren't to torn up about it. It's weird though as we will be bringing this kitten home about the same time we brought Squirt home when I was pregnant with Jack. Its feels like history is repeating  itself and that is a scary thought.

For now I am grasping my small relief and holding onto to it tightly to keep those positive wheels of thought turning.

I am still and always breathing you my baby. Jack and Mummy forever

TimeLine

It's been hard for me to write lately and even harder to find the right words to comment on other blogs. The emotion I feel hasn't been that easy to articulate into words. Maybe I am all worded out or maybe it's the constant background headache that has nested itself in the back of my brain, probably due to the pregnancy.

Codie and I find ourselves confused lately with the past, present and future. The timeline of this pregnancy is bang on the same as with Jack. Even the due date will be around the same time, within the same month.

"We have to get the drywall done, and set up Jack's nursery." A dawning look of comprehension of what he said causes a whimpered "OH" to escape his mouth. It isn't the first time. So far for us it's been Jack this and Jack that. Maybe when we finally get the ultrasound that will change.

For now my hand goes to womb and my heart whispers guiltily. " Jack is that you?" I hope it's you."

Obsessed by you baby; you consume me, I love you. Jack and Mummy forever