My everything, I haven't posted alot lately. There hasn't been a whole lot to say except the same things I say at home over and over again; that I miss you, want you, need and always ache for you my baby. I haven't talked alot about how I feel with this pregnancy or a whole lot about your brother. I know it's ridiculous but I feel like I am betraying you when I talk about him. I know I started this blog as a dedication purely all about you and my grief but life has progressed and I am just going to have to come to terms with that. I know you don't mind hearing about your brother or everything that is going on with Mommy and Daddy, I know you would love to see him with pics, so why do I always feel so guilty for talking about him and just living in general?
I think part of it may be because your brother would not exist if you were still here me, that we are now leading a very different future. When you were born you were all we could ever want, you were all we ever dreamed of, you were perfect and well who messes with perfection right? So you were going to be our one and only to love forever. We lost perfection, we lost you and the future we always dreamed of. That is just a hard pill to swallow. Any who I thought maybe I should try a little harder to get that pill down my throat and that it may be time I introduce you to your little brother.
His name is Severus Jack. I want him to know you and I want you to always be remembered so Jack will be his second name and hopefully that will carry on with his children and so on. I don't know if it will work but I will try and entrench your name in family tradition so that you will always be thought of and remembered. I know at least your brother will be proud to have that honour.
So here he is baby, I hope you can make him out LOL say hi to Severus Jack
I wanted to let you know that your Nanny with help from Daddy and family friend August came over and helped landscaped our deck and big planters, and put up a little pavilion for shade. It was a surprise for me so I could have a nice sunny and pretty space. Nanny brought a lily of the valley that she grew from your garden. She has a little garden at her house where she has a little of your ashes buried. She also brought this beautiful little hairy tree that reminds me of you and a big bush that will get big pretty flowers. Once everything grows a little and blooms I will take some pics to show you. I know you would have had so much fun helping her plant it all and playing in the dirt. I miss you baby, we miss you baby, Jack and Mummy forever.
7 hours ago